omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
