I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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