I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
