it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.