first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.