The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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