On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there