Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.