my mouth tastes like poor choices
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
