So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
