I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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