Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
