I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
