Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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