He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Come see our sink grown plant.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
