I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
