i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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