I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
