Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize