Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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