Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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