Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
