Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
