You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
