I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
