The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
