somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the condom got lost in my hair
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
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weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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