Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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