Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
