I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize