Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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