Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
