did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
