Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize