Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I love you. Go after that dick
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