Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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