i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
