this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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