So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
