My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i've created a new STD.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
