How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize