ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
