New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
