he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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