i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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