I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
whose parrot is this?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
