hotel room ftw
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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