I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The uberlube is also flammable
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
