idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
