are you still at the devil's house?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
