**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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