I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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