i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How naked do you want me to be?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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