I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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