imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
