Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
