I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
