I CAN MOONWALK!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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