Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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