dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
