Life is so much better after having sex.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I can't turn off my feet"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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