I CAN MOONWALK!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
