I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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