I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
