I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I came so hard my ears popped.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
