ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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